How To NOT Be A Conspiracy Theorist in Four Easy Steps
How to not be a “conspiracy theorist” (aka “extremist”).
By Vlad the Nazarite Ghandi
Conspiracy theories are more and more common these days as our society strays farther and farther from the truth and the self-evidently right people who know what reality is are more and more detached from the squalid lives of average people who, in their completely unfounded mistrust, turn to these false and preposterous theories for meaning and comfort in a confusing and chaotic world. Here are a few easy tips to remember in order to avoid joining the ranks of these un-fit, un-washed, degenerate persons whose presence will be increasingly unwelcome in polite society (if we have our way! ;).
1. Make sure your mainstream “anti-conspiracy” reality-filter is firmly in place.
In order to not be a conspiracy theorist, it’s important to ignore and discard all facts and evidence that suggest any sort of conspiracy could be taking place. Conventional wisdom (inarguably the best kind of wisdom) holds that conspiracies don’t ever happen in real life and are self-evidently false and ridiculous. The very fact that the word “conspiracy” exists in law proves that conspiracies don’t exist in the real world and that everyone who thinks this is the case is a nut-job who sees sinister plots in even the most mundane and ordinary every day events such as random acts by lone nuts which alter the course of history.
Conspiracies — like unicorns, elves, fairies, goblins, and sasquatches — are nothing but the aberrant products of the over-active imaginations of deranged individuals with regressive, neanderthal-like tendencies. Any “evidence” which purports to suggest one could be occurring is therefore irrelevant and can (and should) be safely filtered out as unimportant.
Luckily, most information is pre-filtered before-the-fact by the trusted “authoritative” corporate news sources and massive, tech behemoths so that “evidence” suggesting cover-ups, or highly improbable coincidences is already removed or algorithmically-suppressed for you (as a free service!).
Which brings us to our next tip:
2. Limit or narrow your dataset based on the currently accepted narrative.
When trying to come to an understanding of what’s happening in the world, the most dangerous thing you can do is to do your own research (also known as “reading”) and come to your own conclusions (also known as thinking).
Because — as an ordinary, average person — you lack the proper training and aren’t intelligent enough to evaluate and perceive reality for yourself, it’s really best to avoid going down rabbit-holes if at all possible and it is far, far better and safer to place blind trust in “authoritative” channels of information — all of which are run by properly-trained, uncompromisable professionals who are experts on absolutely everything and thus infinitely more qualified than you to evaluate what is true and what is false.
But if you absolutely must research a contentious topic for yourself, it’s of crucial importance to narrow your data-set to only the information that supports whatever is the narrative du jour. That way you can rest assured you will be safeguarded from inadvertently being led away from the well-trodden path of acceptable opinion and radicalized from exposure to unauthorized alternative facts. Of course, please make sure your filter is in tact and fully functioning before embarking on such a dangerous endeavor.
A good rule of thumb regarding limiting the data-set is that, when it comes to assessing any event, its always better to check with approved, authoritative sources and/or like-minded peer groups and, when in doubt defer to them, even over your own senses which can also notoriously lead you astray.
Your senses may tell you for example that you just witnessed a building collapsing at free fall speed into its own footprint in what may appear as a pre-planned demolition, but to say this out loud may make you sound like a fool in the wrong circumstances.
As a good example, take this young man, who very nearly wanders from the safety of the flock, but being a fast learner, quickly catches himself and then provides the “correct” answer ;).
3. Ignore Human History and Recent History.
And speaking of narrowing your dataset, the next topic which concerns us — and which poses a potential pitfall for anyone seeking to avoid being lumped in with the nutters — is history. This is a topic of crucial importance. Historical context, when not correctly interpreted by the proper authorities, can be incredibly perilous and lead one to the delusion of thinking that because in the past there have always been people who sought after power and domination over others and who were willing to commit many inconceivable atrocities in its pursuit while creating untold death, suffering and human misery, that this could still be the case today.
The reality is that — with the exception of a growing number of backwards reprobates and tin-pot dictators — we now live in a civilized and sanitized society — a global “new world order” if you will. The truth is that people with ten’s or hundreds of billions of dollars in their bank accounts and more yachts, mansions, fancy cars, and creepy private underage-sex islands than they could ever enjoy in several lifetimes aren’t really seeking more power and control to maintain this unprecedented inequality and prevent the masses from altering the carefully managed homeostasis of gross inequity. They aren’t seeking to maintain the enormous power they have over society nor are they willing to plunge countless people into unspeakable misery to obtain more. Neither are they invested to the hilt in a shared objective of solidifying their global hegemony and waging an all out, no-holds-barred war on the global population in order to achieve their ends.
“There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war, and we’re winning.”
— Warren Buffett
Quite the contrary, they are really just trying to give back through their philanthropic efforts and any suggestion to the contrary could result in your being permanently exiled from or never considered for membership in the exalted “Hall of Respectability” — a kind of Vallhalla which is now peopled by only the most morally upright, un-interested parties, whose scrupulous members maintain our wonderful liberal society and which is not in any way owned by the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation or being black-mailed by shadowy intellegence assets like Jeffrey Epstein (whom we know was an anomaly and certainly the last of his kind).
So just as a rule of thumb, you can go ahead and ignore/discard any and all evidence of conditions or events which seem to echo or resemble horrible things from the past as having any relevance to current time because we know none of that nasty stuff is happening anymore except for in isolated pockets in “backwards” nations and even in those cases, the proper and right authorities are definitely selflessly addressing the situation and not attempting to maintain their non-existent empire — or hegemonic rule over the world’s affairs — as mentally unstable people, opportunistic grifters and members of Russian state-affiliated media often like to claim.
Also, a note on recent history: there may be times where the narrative from the present completely contradicts one from the recent past (and often in multiple ways). Ignore this completely and carefully watch the proper authorities to ensure you’re staying in lock-step and on message and not getting thrown off by the shifting sands and moving goal-posts of the always correct narrative du jour (lest you end up like this whack-job).
In fact, whether its the recent or the remote past the safest, most fool-proof approach to staying on message, not running afoul of the predominant group-think or stumbling from the one-true-faith of the narrative du jour is to just memory-hole anything before last week, but as long as you never trust your own intuition, pattern-recognition or critical thinking to contextualize events, and rely exclusively on the proper channels to both interpret and re-write history for you as necessary, you’ll be safely ensconced within the official, socially-acceptable consensus reality while still being able to sound intelligent and impress others at parties with your vast store of non-stigmatized knowledge and useless, trivial facts without ever making anyone feel momentarily uncomfortable or causing awkward pauses in the conversation.
4. Mock, Dismiss, and Ridicule.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, in order to fully and completely differentiate yourself from the tin-foil hat, conspiratorial dregs of society, it is vital that you actively mock, dismiss and deride anyone who does believe in conspiracies. This one may sound easy and obvious, but it is actually a subtle art-form.
Firstly, it’s often easy to identify conspiracy theorists because of their ridiculous, idiotic tendency to refer to a nebulous “they” (=the hierarchy enslaving you) whom they foolishly believe are controlling things and wielding hidden power and influence from behind the scenes. Or in some cases, fringe conspiracy lunatics will misconstrue overt agendas led by billionaires and elite class members as “nefarious” when they are in fact 100% benign and benevolent.
In this case, a really quick and efficient way to stop the conspiracy loon in his tracks and dispatch with his incessant, incoherent ravings is to ridicule the notion that there is any such “they” at all. Simply ask who the “they” is and watch their entire edifice crumble as they sputter out in complete frustrated inability to provide a succinct explanation of who “they” is and how they are “planning it all”. As everyone knows, wealthy oligarchs and their various servants in government, academia and the press don’t have common interests and certainly don’t work together — that is in concert — to advance them at the expense of others.
“These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert to fleece the people.”
— Abraham Lincoln
Also remember that anyone who believes one conspiracy theory, automatically believes every other conspiracy theory that exists no matter how absurd, foolish or ridiculous. When dealing with someone who espouses conspiracy theories — regardless of how sensibly or reasonably they attempt to comport themselves, how rationally or logically they attempt to present their arguments and alternative “facts,” or how they adamantly insist that the term “conspiracy theory” was popularized by the C.I.A. through their “mockingbird” agents in the media to discredit those who were questioning the Warren Commission Report on the JFK assassination — you must never forget they are in reality a credulous, smooth-brained, unsophisticated rube who can be safely, smugly dismissed and compared to the most un-hinged fringe weirdo in existence and their arguments equated with the most far out, fringe beliefs.
For example, if someone mentions what they claim is a “proven” false-flag, you could simply bring up the flat-earth theory or the fake moon-landing theory or Q-anon, and attribute this belief to them as well.
If someone says they don’t believe the official story of 9/11, you could ask them if they think the planes were holograms generated by lizard-people and accuse them of anti-semitism.
If someone mentions they are concerned about experimental, emergency authorized medical products with no manufacturer liability, you might label them an “anti-vaxxer”, casually mention 5G did not cause the virus or tell them how silly they are to think anyone like Bill Gates would want to implant them with micro-chips even if they said nothing at all about those things.
Establishing whether or not the person espousing one outlandish fringe conspiracy actually believes in any of these other crackpot ideologies is immaterial, as all their beliefs can be assumed to be arbitrary and based on irrational pathology.
In essence, just take the most exaggerated, outrageous-sounding claim that leaps to mind and which you associate with whatever they’re saying and reflexively, aggressively attempt to associate it with them. You can always call them a “tin foil hat” and post an absurd gif of Alex Jones going bonkers, but there are many, many ways to go about this. Keep in mind that this isn’t actually a cheap straw-man attack. The thing to remember is that all beliefs that aren’t part of the approved narrative of authoritative, corporate news-sources are fringe beliefs and all fringe beliefs are to be regarded as identical, lumped together as one thing, and discarded. They are never to be taken on a case-by-case basis or evaluated on their own merits. This is because there is no appreciable difference between any beliefs which are relegated to the fringe, and anyone who holds any non-mainstream and (rightfully) stigmatized belief isn’t to be regarded as a rational, thinking individual with her own unique perspective arrived at through careful introspection, consideration of evidence and broad sets of data patiently gathered and painstakingly evaluated over time, but rather as someone with an unfortunate pathology that simply makes them susceptible to erroneous, non-evidence based ideas about the world. They are all basically comparable to deranged nut-bags like David Icke or toxic, bloviating wind-bags like Alex Jones. So you don’t need to listen to them and can ridicule them accordingly using the stock thought-canceling cliches or if you like, get creative and invent your own not-straw-man insults which the trusted intelligence assets in the corporate media will relentlessly shove in your — er, um — generously provide for you.
If you take one thing away from this article it should be this: that history has proven time and time again that nothing in reality can be held as true until such time as it is generally accepted as true; that societal norms are the best regulator of personal epistemology and that those norms are never set by the most powerful and dominant members of a culture (i.e. the ruling class) but occur mostly organically and if not, then it’s probably for the best interest of all, and that because of this one needn’t concern one-self with anything other than avoiding becoming a target of ridicule by staying well within the daily-shrinking intellectual constraints and cognitive guard-rails of acceptable opinion which are there for your safety, not imposed on you by the non-existent “they” posited by those with an unfortunate excessive over-abundance of belfry-bats (along with their guano), which experts now say is the most likely source of the next pandemic (NOT lab-leaks).
“I hereby declare myself the center of all political opinion. Anyone who deviates too far from what I think about things will be designated an “extremist” and placed on a naughty list. Watch this space for details on the limits of acceptable thought.”
~Nebulus P. McCrotty
Fortunately the trusted sources within the completely un-corruptible institution that is the corporate, billionaire-owned media are there to manage the narrative for us which they all do independently in virtually identical ways and often using virtually identical language to doggedly enforce the all-important boundaries on what facts can be permitted to enter the public discourse and what can therefore be accepted as true. Anyone who attempts to push against these boundaries in any way quite simply can’t be taken as a rational actor, definitely cannot be trusted and should be mercilessly ridiculed, pathologised, infantilized, criminalized — and probably locked away somewhere — in order to ensure social progress can be safeguarded by the most capable and benevolent hands of the non-existent technocratic overlords.
“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses. The press is so powerful in its image-making role…If you aren’t careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.”
— Malcolm X
If you can keep these four simple tips in mind you should be extremely well-protected and fully inoculated against the insidious influence of conspiracy theories and extreme ideologies.
But in order to help you in this regard and to further assist you in ingraining these concepts and in programming yourself to reflexively reject any and all dangerous counter-narratives you may encounter in the wild, and in order to make 100% certain you are well-armored and fully protected against all forms of fringe, conspiracy-extremism, here is a simple easy-to-remember acronym:
F*L*I*M*
Filter out “fringe” alternative facts purporting to support the existence of conspiracies, easily accomplished by consuming only pre-filtered corporately-owned “authoritative” media and staying on the already-laid track made by big-tech algorithms (which does not lead to the digital gulag).
Limit your data within the acceptable range of reality (as defined by the narrative du jour).
Ignore history — Stay completely ahistorical in your framing of events unless otherwise instructed by approved, authoritative sources who can interpret it correctly.
Mock others who don’t conform to these basic guidelines as credulous fools and loonies!
Congratulations! If you’ve internalized the steps outlined above and incorporated them into your daily cognitive processes, you’ll be well equipped to avoid ever being seen as a conspiracy theorist!
But finally just to make it all concrete, I would like to leave you with one particularly tragic and disturbing example of a once-respected academic and author who strayed from the narrow way of well-trodden, time-honored, acceptable opinion (from the point of view of the non-existent “T.H.E.Y.”), un-moored himself from the sublime, supine security of intellectual sycophantry and compulsive, obligatory narrative-genuflecting, and wandered foolishly and heedlessly into the dark and murky morass of fringe conspiracism.
Let his tragic story serve as an example and as a lesson to never, ever be like this man!
Or this man:
Or this woman:
Or this man:
Or this woman:
Or this man:
Or this woman:
Thank you for doing your part to keep the barbarians at bay and to help maintain this perfect, beautiful world order which is the best of all possible worlds and is most assuredly the world we all want!
***************************The End***************************
